Ten Tips for Tough Topics

By Director of Spiritual Formation Rebecca Guzman

1. Create space for conversation.

Some kids find it easier to bring up conversations when you’re doing something together, like taking a walk or throwing a ball around. Make sure they know you’re open to conversation. Give your child a journal that they can leave on your nightstand if there’s something they want to discuss but can’t find a way to bring it up.

2. Listen more than you talk.

Make eye contact. Ask questions. Be attentive. Kids will shut down if they feel they aren’t being heard.

3. Prepare in advance.

Think about tough topics before they arise. When that’s not possible, don’t feel like you have to answer if you’re not ready. It’s better to say you need some time to think before responding than to say something you regret later.

4. Be honest.

If you lie or gloss over something, you will regret it later. Establish yourself as a trustworthy source of information, so that you are the first person your child asks.

5. Keep it simple.

Limit your honesty to answering exactly what they’ve asked, though. They’ll ask follow up questions if they want to know more.

6. Follow your child’s lead.

Kids are remarkably adept at knowing what they are ready to hear. If they’re asking you a question, they’re probably ready for the answer. If they start to seem uncomfortable, it might be time to wrap up a topic and revisit it later.

7. Empower your child, as much as possible.

Think of things they can do to help, or coping strategies.

8. Acknowledge emotions (and have them).

Ask how your child is feeling. If you are grieving yourself, don’t feel like you are not allowed to cry. Emotions are only scary if we pretend they don’t exist.

9. Remember it’s not one big conversation.

This relieves pressure on you to cover everything! But, it also means that you have to be ready to have the same conversation over and over again.

10. Pray!

Ask God for wisdom, guidance, and empathy.